Dave & Mary Gothi Take The Significant Marriage Resources Worldwide | Inspire Others to Shared Purpose

Apr 27

Marriage ministry leaders Mary and Dave Gothi couldn’t have come from more disparate backgrounds. Mary, whose father was an Army chaplain, was raised in a Christian family, became a psychotherapist with graduate degrees in counseling and clinical psychology, and has been counseling and teaching couples and families since 1978. She spent seven years with Young Life in Austria and Eastern Europe, in youth ministry, but also counseling people from the missionary, embassy and United Nations communities before spending close to a decade with Heartstream Resources caring for missionaries overseas.

Dave, raised by a Hindu family in India, came to the United States to pursue a degree in chemical engineering. He stayed in America, working in engineering operations and quality control. Dave had been referred to church by an attorney as he walked through an unwanted divorce. There he not only gave his life to Christ, he was introduced to Mary by mutual friends. Mary also was experiencing a divorce not of her choosing. Despite their differences, the two shared a passion for helping couples weather the storms of marital distress. They’ve now been married for 27 years, during most of which they have worked to help couples improve their marriages, and, since 2010, live on mission to make a difference in the world.

“So, you messed up in your marriage or have a tragic story. We help couples understand it doesn’t matter if your story is traumatic or boring. Someone needs to hear their story. Be obedient and willing to go where God has asked you to go,” Mary said.

In 1996, the Gothis became certified leaders for the Marriage Dynamics Institute and began working with couples, in particular leading A New Beginning weekend workshops for those in crisis. Although they enjoyed helping couples through distress, they felt called to develop something to keep people from getting to the crisis point in the first place. The couple drew on Mary’s counseling experience and Dave’s analytical engineering background to create The Significant Marriage (TSM) enrichment seminar and workbook in 2010. TSM resources appeal to couples of all ages and stages – from seriously dating to married for years. Future coaches and seminar leaders develop from among those who first attend a seminar.

What does it mean to have a Significant Marriage? “Choosing to step into the momentous and noteworthy things you were created to do… choosing to have an outstanding and remarkable impact on those you touch, an impact that changes lives. It means choosing to be extraordinary rather than settling for just ordinary…. What matters is that you are using the personality, gifts and passions He has given you, blended together in a marriage, to pursue whatever purpose and vision He has given you together!” they write in TSM’s guidebook.

“Together they (Dave and Mary) have intentionally created a marriage that gives them great meaning and joy as a couple and, hopefully, makes a significant difference in the world. Their passion now is to challenge other couples to find that same meaning and joy for themselves through choosing to have The Significant Marriage,” from the TSM website.

TSM material empowers couples to enhance and protect their marriage and teaches skills following the recommendations of relationship experts like Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, Dr. Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages), Dr. Willard Harley (His Needs, Her Needs) and Dr. John Gottman (The Seven Principles of Marriage).

They advise couples to nurture what is good and remove what is hurtful. Content explores bringing out the best in one’s spouse, personalities, strengths and weaknesses, differences, communication, merciful forgiveness, values, areas that can sabotage your purpose if not healthy (physical, emotional, financial and relational) and what it means to live on mission.

TSM helps couples set goals for their marriage and create a plan of steps to get there so a couple walks away from a seminar or coaching with several plans to pursue their goals.

“We have all been to seminars where we get all pumped up,” Dave said. “Two months later it is gone unless we have something to follow through.” Dave took a scientific approach and included a planning tool to help couples end up with a roadmap to stay focused. Using the acronym SMART, he advises couples to set Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely goals.

The last chapter inspires couples to share personal dreams and then follow their dreams together to make a difference in the world by pursuing the purpose to which God is calling them. “Be intentional in creating together a plan to become all God has created you to be as individuals and as a couple,” they wrote.

Not surprisingly, in light of the Gothis’ experiences, TSM emphasizes a mission focus.

“Having a great marriage is not enough. We wanted couples to figure out God’s purpose for them,” Dave said. They share examples of people who have had tragic things happen that God has used for good. “We knew we needed to set couples on mission,” Mary said. “We walk them through a process where they create a shield that depicts their values. People come to A New Beginning bitter because they didn’t get to fulfill their dreams. We ask them about their dreams and passions, encourage them to tell each other their story, then make a difference together as a couple.”

“Be willing to listen to your spouse. God speaks very clearly to us through our spouses,” they agreed. “The ultimate goal I’ve learned from Mary is to help couples learn to do something beyond themselves,” Dave said. “We are so much into ourselves, we get comfortable, and we forget about things we might be able to do for others.”

They quote Gary Thomas, “It is mission which keeps marriage vibrant on all levels.”

Dave and Mary use TSM materials as they work with churches and marriage champions to help them develop a marriage ministry and develop coaches. TSM is for seriously-dating, engaged and married couples of ages and stages. They cast vision for champions to host a TSM seminar at their church, become a certified coach to encourage other couples, take a mission trip with the Gothis or provide scholarships for seminars around the world.

“Be intentional in creating together a plan to become all God has created you to be as individuals and as a couple.”

— Dave & Mary

Often marriage champions will come to a church seminar, love it and want to get involved, they reported. If TSM and the couple determine they are a good fit, the Gothis will conduct a half-day bootcamp to train them to become coaches, and in some cases teach them how to lead the seminar themselves. In this manner, TSM resources have reached 90+ nationalities on six continents.

One of TSM’s high-profile partners is Nick Vujicic – the well-known inspirational speaker and founder of Life Without Limbs. Nick and his wife, Kanae, heard about TSM through the ministry’s Dallas leaders. Having already hosted a seminar and believing passionately in the message of TSM, Nick’s dream is to use AI to digitally translate TSM material into 30 more languages.

“He’s such an encourager,” Mary said. “He’s an example of the kind of excitement for a shared purpose TSM energizes. People come to TSM and say, ‘My life is not great, there are roadblocks. I don’t know what else I can do for God.’ We say, ‘Really, look at Nick!’ He takes those excuses away. He is all over the world and doesn’t let anything stop him.”

“…TSM tremendously opened our eyes to marriage the way God always intended it to be and even better, to the purpose He has for us as a couple,” Nick and Kanae Vujicic wrote in the forward to TSM’s workbook.

Dave and Mary believe they are just two normal people doing the things they encourage others to do. “Last summer (2022) we visited five continents in five months. Brazil and Australia had opened after COVID. It was amazing to launch TSM in a new country (Brazil), but also to return to Australia where we have wonderful leaders!” Mary said. Another thing they’ve learned is how God provides. “I would have never imagined this before. There is no way we could have gone all these places! Ukraine, India… They (those asking the Gothis to teach TSM) can hardly pay for the books, yet God has provided. We want to take away all the excuses. Just jump in with both feet.” Mary and Dave’s story inspires other bi-cultural couples as they teach across the globe. TSM has now been translated into 11 languages, soon to include Serbian and Albanian. “We let the Holy Spirit open the door,” Mary said. TSM has never paid for a translation. “A couple will say, ‘I want this for my country.’” Each time they lead a seminar, people come and want to take their message elsewhere.

The Gothis note that one of their largest endeavors has been in Ukraine, which grew out of a small meeting of just four couples in Latvia. Mary remembers thinking, “I don’t know why God wants us there, but we need to go.” Three of those couples have been part of their Eastern European leadership team for the past eight years. They were introduced to a Youth With A Mission (YWAM) couple who minister to former Soviet-bloc countries and eventually held a seminar for 400 couples from Ukraine. They have a leadership team of 10 couples who have been trained to coach and lead seminars. Mary remembers the area well from her work with Young Life when the countries were still under the communist regime. “Eastern Europe has belonged to the enemy for so long because of communism and Nazism,” Mary noted. “People are passionate about their faith. There’s a huge ministry there.”

The leaders in Kiev were beginning to translate TSM materials into Russian until the war put plans on hold. Mary and Dave stay in close touch with their leaders, some of whom are living as refugees, she said. Despite the sirens, shootings and bombs, “they are choosing to live a normal life, serving God through grief ministry, feeding refugees, counseling traumatized children and teens, and building houses for people.”

“What matters is that you are using the personality, gifts and passions He has given you, blended together in a marriage, to pursue whatever purpose and vision He has given you together!”

— Dave & Mary

In addition to their marriage ministry focus, the couple also founded a non-profit in 2004 to help the needy children at an orphanage in Mumbai. Dave’s eyes were opened to the need in his country of origin when he saw Mary organically connecting with people on the streets. He confessed at first he felt uncomfortable with her openness, which is not a cultural norm. Mary told him, “There is something we can do, no matter how big or how small.” They created a child sponsorship program through Sunshine Kids International, which supports St. Catherine’s of Siena orphanage, and they take people to visit personally. “This so bonded us to do something like that beyond ourselves,” Dave added. “It is one of the main reasons we created The Significant Marriage!”

That’s TSM’s ultimate goal for couples: to so strengthen their relationship that they can fulfill the purpose God planned for them.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11) Find the Gothis and TSM at thesignificantmarriage.com.